Did you ever pretend you were a bride when you were a kid?

I did.  I wore a white dress, raided my mother's costume jewelry, and wore a white curtain for my veil.

I think every little girl fantasizes about what her wedding day will be like.  Even if her groom's face is a bit fuzzy (or looks like a Ken doll), she knows that it is the one day in her life when she will be a princess and everyone in the church will stand to watch her - HER - floating gracefully down the aisle in clouds of white silk.

But there comes a time when the little girl grows up and realizes that she had her wedding day all wrong.

She can picture in great detail the dress she'll wear, the flowers she'll hold, the venue and crowd of family and friends weeping in joy.  But she still can't picture her groom's face, because she doesn't know who he is.

That's a pretty major problem. She needs a groom to complete the picture, but he's nowhere to be found.

What He Thinks about Getting Married

As the movie "Bride Wars" can tell you, our childhood fantasies about our wedding day pose B-I-G problems for us as adults - and for our boyfriends.

• - He may avoid proposing to you because he knows you want a big white wedding, and he can't bear the thought.
• - He may want to spend the rest of his life with you but feel that he doesn't have enough money to give you the kind of wedding you've always dreamed about, so he keeps putting it off.
• - He may worry that the real reason you want to get married is because you want a big wedding, rather than because you want him.

Men are funny about weddings.

My partner wishes we were eloping.  I don't blame him.  As much as the idea of planning our wedding excites us women, it depresses the men in our lives.  They hear "wedding" and think: stress, bills, time, decisions, arguments, unhappiness, more bills, and more arguments.  Gone are those relaxing weekends lounging in front of the TV.  From now until the wedding day, there will be endless shopping trips, organizing, upsets, tears, and responsibilities.  Not exactly a guy's idea of a good time.

Most guys would be perfectly happy heading to a registry office, or eloping to Vegas where Elvis will happily do the honors.  What he cares about most is being with you, and that's the reason he's getting married.  Not because he wants to be the star of the show at his own wedding, or have his wedding photo appear in the society pages, but because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.  Guys are pretty good at keeping their priorities straight.

Keeping Your Wedding in Perspective

That's my job.  Keeping my priorities straight.

Making sure that I remember that it doesn't matter whether I get the kind of flowers I like, or whether it will rain on the day, or whether my makeup will slide off under the heat and the tears.  It doesn't matter whether the wedding photos turn out, whether all the guests turn up, or whether the wine runs out.

All that matters is that we say our vows in front of witnesses and sign our names to the legal document binding us together for life.

Because, at the end of the day, getting married isn't about me looking like a princess or our guests having a great time.

Getting married is about a very special, very solemn decision.

It's a decision that started with him, when he asked me to marry him.

I don't think there's anything more awesome than the thought that this man who knows me, inside and out, has decided to be my husband.

When I think of all the dating mishaps I've gotten into over the years, all the men that I wished would have loved me but didn't, all the times when I cried my heart out because yet another relationship had ended, all I can think of is: thank God.

Thank God it didn't work out with those men.

Because, if it had, I wouldn't be standing here today with a man who outshines them all.

Seeing the Truth at Last

I'm not embarrassed to admit that I got it all wrong when I was a little girl.

Back then, I thought being a bride meant wearing a white dress and a veil.  I thought it meant being a princess for a day.

Now, I realize that it's about none of those things.

It's about the man standing next to you.

It's that moment he looks into your eyes.

It's the words you say to each other, as you make a promise to love, respect, and cherish.

That silly white costume fades into irrelevance.