There's nothing harder than splitting up with someone you've shared years of your life with.

The man that you exchanged wedding rings with is gone.

In his place is someone you don't know anymore, someone who treats you like a stranger, someone who acts in ways that would shock the man you married.

And what makes you feel even worse is that, no matter how much you hate him, no matter how much you despise who he's become...

...Deep down you still love him.

It's impossible to turn love on and off like a water faucet.

Regardless of how a relationship ends up, there will always be memories of a time when you were intoxicated with happiness.  He created that happiness with you.  It's okay to grieve for the memory.  It's okay to love that man from long ago.

Going through a divorce will be one of the hardest things you've ever done.

There's nothing more awful than the cold, hard, clear legality of it all.  Your union, formed in love, has been severed by a judge's gavel.

It's over.  All those hopes, all those dreams, have ended.

It's Okay to Feel

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to go over what happened again and again.

It's okay to get angry at him -- and at yourself for letting this happen.

If you have children together, you're going to have to be brave and pull yourself together and get on with the business of life: perhaps finding a new place to live, getting your finances sorted, figuring out how you're going to do the job of two parents alone.  I hope you have family and friends who can support you during this difficult transition period.

YOU are the only one who matters now.

You may worry how he's going to get on without you, but that is no longer your concern.  Try not to think about how he's spending his weekends, whether he's boozing it up, or what he's telling everyone.

Believe me when I say that the less information you have about him, the better.

You must turn your relationship with him from something personal to something professional.  The less emotion you feel when you interact with him, the better.

The worst thing you can do right now is indulge your inner drama queen.

You'll be tempted.  Believe me, you'll be tempted.

Your friends will egg you on about the details of your ex's latest escapades.  They'll want to take you out, get you drunk, and drown you in sympathy.  They'll say nasty things about him.  They'll stand up for you, even if they don't quite know the facts.

For a while, that will be exactly what you need.

But any longer than that, and you'll be in danger of losing perspective.