If you asked me for just one tip that could totally transform your love life - indeed, your WHOLE life - and make you enjoy life so much more, I'd tell you two little words...

DON'T WORRY.

Don't worry!  Don't stress!  Don't get worked up about it!  Chill!  Release!  Let it go!

But you may be thinking, "Reina, it's all very well for YOU to tell me not to worry, but you don't have the kind of problems I have.  I'm 38 years old with no husband in sight; what's going to happen to me if I don't find him before my biological clock stops ticking?  Everyone else around me is married, and I'm the only one left.  My mother is sick, and I'm stressed out caring for her, and it's affecting my work, and I worry that if I don't get a little help from the universe here, I'm going to explode!"

Relax....  Take a DEEP breath ... hold ... release.  There.

I know that what's happening to you is the most important thing in the world.

Sure, there's famine in the Third World and hurricanes destroying whole towns and diseases ravaging helpless children, but all that's far away.

Right now, what matters is YOUR life.  What's going on for YOU.  The stuff that YOU have to live with.

And you probably have to live with a lot of annoying stuff.

Like, say, the fact that you're not married yet.  Or the fact that a loved one is ill.  Or the fact that your job stresses you out.

Or the fact that you can't lose weight.  Or the fact that your parents got an "F" when it came to raising you.  Or the fact that the people you like never seem to like you back.  Or the fact that your car is old and cranky and you can't afford to buy a new one.

I hear you.

A lot of things in our lives are ... well, crappy, basically.  They're not fair.  They make it impossible for us to be happy.

We keep waiting for the day when everything will finally go right for us, and we can finally claim the happiness we deserve.

Except...

You know what I'm going to say here, don't you?

That day will never come.

It's Only a Problem If You Think It Is

I don't know anyone who doesn't have problems in their life.  Not a single person.

I certainly wouldn't want to be in some of my friends' shoes.

But one thing I've noticed is that some of my friends get worked up over even the smallest issue - a family spat, not finding shoes in the right size, a hurtful word from their boss - whereas some of my friends seem to take it all in stride.  They know what's important.

The fact is, two people can have the exact same problems to deal with - like, say, being 38 with no suitable father in sight - and deal with them completely differently.

One person might say:

"Nothing ever goes right for me.  Here all my friends seem to have no problems finding their perfect partner, and I'm just as much of a catch as they are.  Why do I never seem to meet anyone decent?  Everyone who was any good was snapped up ages ago.  It just sucks. I hate it!"

Another person might say:

"It will happen when it happens.  I suppose part of the reason I'm not married yet is because I've had other priorities throughout the years.  I probably haven't been ready to marry until now.  If I want to meet someone, I've got to get out and put myself out there, because if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that sitting at home isn't going to help."

See how two different people can view the same situation differently?

For one person, it's a BIG problem.  For another person, it's an invitation to take action.

Worrying Doesn't Help

If there's one thing I know, it's that worrying just makes everything worse.

Worrying too much about a first date makes you come across as nervous, preoccupied, and not yourself.

Worrying too much about whether a man is "the One" makes him feel uncomfortable, wary, and inclined to back away.

Worrying too much about what he meant when he said X, or what it meant when he waited an hour to text you back, or what it meant when he said hello to that blond chick, just makes you come across as uptight, paranoid and possessive.

Worrying will harm your chances of meeting, attracting, and keeping the mate of your dreams.

You cannot afford to keep worrying.

Unless you get your worrying under control, you'll sabotage every chance you get at love.

I can't emphasize enough just how important this is.

Your mind - your thoughts - may be turning off men as we speak.

Make no mistake, the thoughts we think privately in our heads are just as public as if we'd broadcast them aloud, because what you think in your head is conveyed subconsciously through your body language and those 101 subtle signals that an alert observer can read.

So what can you do to break this nasty habit?

Repeat a Simple Mantra

I'm going to tell you a technique that has worked for me over and over again.

In fact, I think this technique is so brilliant that I want you to share it with everyone you know, because it's way too good to keep to myself.

Ready for it?

Repeat after me:

"Whatever happens, happens."

"If it's meant to be, it will be.  If it's not meant to be, it won't."

There. Feel better?

Try saying those sentences again.  This time, say them OUT LOUD (under your breath if you're in a public place).

"Whatever happens, happens."

"If it's meant to be, it will be.  If it's not meant to be, it won't."

Can you feel yourself relaxing?

Any time you catch yourself worrying about a situation - like, is this guy The One? or, did I say something to scare him off? - just repeat those mantras to yourself.

Whatever happens, happens.  There's not a single thing you could have done to prevent it from happening.  Although it may be tempting to speculate about "what could have been," you have to live with what is. So don't waste your energy worrying about things in the past or things in the future.  Instead, focus your energy on dealing with today.

If it's meant to be, it will be.  If it's not, it won't. This means that there's nothing you can do to scare the right guy off.  If he's meant to be your future husband, then it will happen.  There's nothing you have to be or do differently to win his heart. And, if a guy isn't meant to be your future husband, then there's nothing you could have done to keep him.

This also means that a breakup is proof that your relationship wasn't meant to be.  Don't break your heart over and over again by wondering what you did wrong or how you could win him back.  Instead, accept that there was a reason you broke up.  You may not know why you weren't meant to be together, but clearly you weren't, because otherwise you'd still be together!

Is This Silly?

You may think that these mantras are pretty silly.  You may think that I'm promoting a deterministic universe where everything has a cause and runs like clockwork.  You may point out the presence of chaos, or the fact that our thoughts create our reality, or a zillion other reason why these mantras are false.

But I didn't say they were truths.  I said they were mantras.

A mantra helps you change the state of your mind.

In this case, these mantras help you stop worrying.

Worrying endlessly about relationships is much more harmful than telling yourself endlessly, however often it takes, "Whatever happens, happens."

That mantra helps you have faith in the universe - the plan that God has for all of us, if you're that way inclined.

When you stop worrying, relax, and have faith that everything has happened in your life for a reason, your inner glow shines that little bit brighter.  Your face looks less lined, smoother, younger.  You smile more easily.  People find your company more enjoyable.  Men you more attractive.

Yes, it's true.

Men find relaxed women more attractive.

In fact, if there's something that is a sure-fire men-getter, it's being relaxed.

Men feel stressed when they're around women who are worriers.  Tension is contagious.

Learn to Live without Fear

Most of us can't help worrying about everything, because we're afraid.

We're afraid that things won't turn out right.  We're afraid that we'll make a fool of ourselves.  We're afraid that we'll die alone.

But you have a choice.  You can learn to stop listening to yourself when fear is driving your thoughts.

In any situation, try asking yourself: "Am I coming from a place of fear or a place of love?"

If you're coming from a place of fear, then try to avoid taking action until you can feel centered and loving again.

And I can promise you: you'll wow the socks off men and, indeed, everyone you meet, once you've conquered the hold that fear and worry have over you.

It may take you a long time to master - perhaps even a lifetime - but it's a journey that will make you happier and happier with each step forward you take.

I want you to have a life filled with love, not a life cramped by worry.

But it's up to you to take that first step.

Lots of love,