A lot of women believe that being attractive to men means being sexy.

We look for sexy outfits, sexy makeup, and sexy hairstyles. We envy sexy women like Kim Kardashian or J.Lo. We dream about being able to dance in sexy ways.

But if you think you’re going to attract men by being sexy, you’re only half right.

You’ll attract men who want to have sex with you.

You won’t attract many men who are interested in something deeper.

Sex Isn't Love

For some women, it’s enough to feel desired by men.  After all, don't most relationships start from sex and progress on to something deeper and more meaningful?

At least men want to have sex with you.  That's better than having no men interested in you at all.

But sadly there are many women who are sick and tired of men pursuing them for sex.

They wish they could find a man who wanted to get to know them on a deeper level ... a man who wants a relationship rather than a hookup.

It is to these women that I say:

Don't be fooled by sexiness.

Sure, sexy women get men's attention, but these very women ( such as Jessica Biel and Eva Mendes) complain that men see them as bimbos instead of bright and brainy.

There are ways to trigger a man's interest without broadcasting your sexual availability to the world.

What are they?

Here's a quick review.

Attraction Science

Wikipedia's description of interpersonal attraction is a great read for those of you who want to know the science behind why we're attracted to the people we're attracted to.

In short, we're attracted to:

• - people we see often,
• - people who like us back,
• - people who have similar beliefs to us about the things we consider important,
• - people of roughly our same age and education level, and
• - people who have a similar or higher "social value" to us.

In addition, evolutionary anthropology suggests that men are attracted to women who appear healthy and fertile, while women are attracted to men who have high social status and wealth.

5 Tips to Attract Men

So, if you want men to feel attracted to your sparkling personality rather than your sexy body, here's how to do it:

1. Smile often.
2. Like him. (That means you're not scared or nervous around him.)
3. Talk about the things you have in common.
4. Stay fit and healthy.
5. Have a full, exciting life.  (This gives you higher social value.)

That's it!

Putting Sexy in Its Place

But most of us still want to be sexy.

We've been led by society to believe that only sexy women catch men's attention.

In our heart of hearts, we all want to be that sexy woman that strides across the road and stops traffic.

But the only reason we have that image in our heads is because some marketing agency has sold it to us.

Sexy sells products.  Sexy sells music.  Sexy gives brands added value and status.

The girl next door who married the guy of her dreams and has an ordinary life of wedded bliss and babies isn't sexy enough for advertising, so we don't see that.

But the girl next door has a MUCH better chance of living "happily ever after" with the one she loves than the sexy model/actress/singer who goes through men like last season's fashion.

In fact, I'll bet that if you interview 100 couples who've been married for ten years or more, you'll find that "sexy" isn't a word you'd use to describe either of them.  They clearly have great, strong relationships that have stood the test of time (so far), but they did it without the benefit of sexy. They didn't need to be "sexy" like Chace Crawford or Leighton Meester (okay, bad examples) to be attractive to one another.  They could be attractive just as they were, warts, flab and all.

Amazing, isn't it?

We've been led to believe that being sexy is the #1 most important thing for us as women...

...But the fact is, being attractive is much more important - and much easier.

An attractive person draws people towards them.  (Read my article on How Attraction Works.)  They attract EVERYONE, not just men looking to get laid.

I'd much rather be an attractive person than a sexy fox.

Which would you prefer?