by Amy Waterman, author of Seduction Genie

I once flew across the world for a man on nothing more than a promise. I was studying for my master’s degree in a foreign university, and a sudden decline in the US dollar meant that the money I had to live on was sparse. I lived on canned beans and peas. Every time I went out I drank water, which was free. Everyone thought I was a teetotaler with some moral bee up my butt. But I was broke, and it hurt. It’s embarrassing not to have money for simple luxuries.

At the time I was writing frequently to a former boyfriend in South America. He wrote lovely letters, telling me that I was the love of his life and that there could never be another woman after me. Such lovely sentiments in Spanish. Life as a student in the UK was hard, and I fell head over heels for his promises of a lifetime of making love together. He proposed over email, and, swept away, I agreed.

It had been two years since I had seen him last. I needed to see him again to be sure. But to come up with the money for the plane ticket was nearly impossible. Somehow, I found the money. I won a hundred pounds through a student writing competition, and a fellow student helped me out by paying me to tutor him.

I flew to South America with one goal in mind: for us to begin preparing for our life together. I had told him that I would have no money when I arrived, so if we went anywhere or did anything or ate out, he would have to pay. He was fine with that, he said.

When I got there, he had no money and no job. He was 35 and still lived with his parents, a not uncommon practice in conservative Catholic countries. For much of the two weeks I was there, I sat alone at his parents’ house waiting for him to come back, not knowing where he’d went or for how long. When I started talking specifics about where we were going to live, and how we were going to make the money to be able to afford a life together, he got angry at me. He shot back, “Love conquers all.”

He was frustrated with my questions. I was frustrated with his avoidance of the very real, practical issues. I had a plan. I dropped off my résumé at several companies and interviewed with two. If I came back, I would need a job to support us both.

When the two weeks ended, he took me to the airport. In the waiting area, he kissed me fiercely and said he didn’t know how he was going to be able to bear the months until we were together again. I asked him, “So … the engagement ring?” I had been waiting for this moment, thinking he was saving the special moment of a formal proposal for now.

“There wasn’t time!” he exploded. “I’ll pick one out and mail it to you. I have your address.”

I was hurt and confused, yet I didn’t think to question him. He loved me; he said so, didn’t he?

Back in the UK, it took a dear friend to point out the disparity between his commitment and mine. I was willing to drop my life, my dreams, my comfortable lifestyle, and my career to go and live in poverty in the Third World. Why? Because I believed that this man loved me more than anyone else in the world did – or ever would.

And what was he willing to do for me? In return he would love me. That’s all he had to give. Words of love and a castle in the air.

Now, I don’t tell you this story in order to blame a man who loved but couldn’t understand that love has to be lived practically. Nor did I tell you this story to illustrate how foolishly two people behave when they’re in love.

Instead, this story is about what a normal girl would give up and fight for, the flimsy promises she would believe in, all for the dream of real love.

The experience taught me a powerful lesson about what real love is. Real love is shown in actions, not words.

When love is real, a man will sacrifice for you and fly across the world if he has to. He will value you so much that he’ll find any way that you two can be together, as long as he’s certain of your love.

Ask yourself what you would do for love, and don’t feel ashamed about demanding the same commitment from your partner. Expect of him no more and no less than you would expect of yourself.

And remember … a man who breaks it off because he isn’t sure about your relationship isn’t worth your heart.

Want to Read More?

For more of the Seduction Genie’s secrets, visit her website and discover why I think that the Seduction Genie has the cutest, catchiest, and most fun dating guide on the market!  The Seduction Genie will teach you to become the fearless, confident woman you’ve always dreamed about through fun quizzes, divine illustrations, and pithy messages you’ll remember.