by Amy Waterman, author of Seduction Genie

It’s funny. Sometimes all it takes is one relationship to make you realize why people are in relationships in the first place. Even though someone calls it off, even though memories of conflicts leave a bitter taste, even though it takes months of crying and grief before sunshine and spring flowers can feel like a cause for joy again … it IS worth it.

Why? Because for a short time the sun DOES shine brighter, hope and anticipation makes the weekends fly, and there is always someone else in the back of your mind. In my last relationship, I surprised myself by discovering how much I looked forward to surprising him with the little things, those things that I wished someone would do for me. In the process I discovered the exhilarating power of making someone’s life happier, more joyful, even better? for having shared it with me.

Why do so many people-once their relationship ends-revoke their feelings in anger, feeling embarrassed that they could have given their heart to someone who gave it back again?

Through my work with 000Relationships.com, my colleagues and I constantly get emails from women angry at their partners for leaving them, yet desperately wanting them back. These women won’t deal with their own feelings of abandonment, resentment, and fear of being alone. They want a band-aid, as if his return will solve their problems.

Better to accept that not fitting into someone’s life simply gives you the opportunity to fit into someone else’s. These women don’t think once to say, “I’m better than this. I deserve someone who really loves me enough to work through anything. Someone who’s willing to let me go isn’t the kind of man that I deserve.”

Yet simply discovering that you loved your partner, even after he left you, is a cause for celebration. You’ve discovered that your heart DOES stretch bigger. Finding the capacity to love in yourself is an exciting thing.

Bett er yet, once you’ve loved someone, you never stop loving them. Yes, the relationship ended. Yes, the other person didn’t want it to continue. But the feelings you had then will always flow, if not to him in person, then to the memory of him from the time you were together.

That’s healthy: no regrets, no anger, no need to lash out and hurt. Just recognition of the love that will always exist as a shadow between two souls who didn’t choose one another.

When my last relationship ended, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to write an ebook called “Your Guide to Stronger Relationships,” which I sell as a bonus with my book on how to attract men. In the process of researching it, I realized why my last relationship wasn’t as healthy as I’d thought.

So few of us take the time to think about what would make our relationships healthier-not by finding a new person, but by finding better ways to relate to the person we have. It seems that the strongest relationships are those in which both partners expect challenges, disappointments, and difficulties, knowing that these are part and parcel of what it means to be with someone. They look forward to working through the challenges of life as a couple.

In real life, sadly, too many of us ignore problems hoping that they’ll go away, afraid to broach them with our partners because we know that our partners will respond with anger and hurt rather than understanding and patience.

Now, this is what I think all of us deserve in our relationships. If you are single right now, close your eyes for a moment and envision your perfect partner. Then repeat after me.

• - I deserve someone who will always hold my hand and never let it go, whether walking together or sitting side by side, whether at the grocery store or at the doctors, whether happy or sad.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who makes his own good spirits a priority so that he can enjoy life … someone who will soak up my happiness when I am happy … someone who will let me make him laugh when he is down … someone who never lets a day go by without a genuine smile gracing his face.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who always seeks excellence in who he is and what he does … someone who is unafraid of growth and change despite the pain … someone who continues to stretch his own boundaries even as he stretches mine.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who knows that Life obeys Murphy’s Law but doesn’t mind … someone who is committed to solving problems rather than complaining about the unfairness of life … someone who doesn’t see conflict as a sign that our relationship should end but rather embraces it as an opportunity for us to grow closer.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who can see when I am hurting and turn towards me, not away from me … someone who will comfort me through my pain rather than see it as a weakness.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who will come to me with his pain and accept my comfort gladly.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who needs me as much as I need him and is unafraid to admit it … someone who allows himself be completely vulnerable because he trusts me with his heart.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who believes in me … someone who knows that “me” is my spirit, my mind, and my heart, those things that don’t age … I deserve someone who loves me simply for being me, not for what I look like today or for what I’ll look like tomorrow.
  
  
• - I deserve someone who is unafraid to love. I deserve someone who embraces his love for me … someone able to admit it to himself, to me, and to the world.

Want to Read More?

For more of the Seduction Genie’s secrets, visit her website and discover why I think that the Seduction Genie has the cutest, catchiest, and most fun dating guide on the market!  The Seduction Genie will teach you to become the fearless, confident woman you’ve always dreamed about through fun quizes, divine illustrations, and pithy messages you’ll remember.